Peer Pressure

Peer Influences

Peers influence your life, even if you don’t realize it, just by spending time with you. You learn from them, and they learn from you. It’s only human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.

Peers can have a positive influence on each other. For instance another student in your science class taught you an easy way to remember the planets in the solar system, or someone on the soccer team taught you a cool trick with the ball. You might admire a friend who is always a good sport and try to be more like him or her. Maybe you got others excited about your new favourite book, and now everyone’s reading it. These are examples of how peers positively influence each other every day.

Sometimes peers influence each other in negative ways. For example, a few kids in school might try to get you to cut class with them, your soccer friend might try to convince you to be mean to another player and never pass her the ball, or a kid in the neighbourhood might want you to shoplift with him.

Why Do People Give in to Peer Pressure?

Some kids give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, to fit in, or because they worry that other kids may make fun of them if they don’t go along with the group. Others may go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing. The idea that “everyone’s doing it” may influence some kids to leave their better judgment, or their common sense, behind.

How to Walk Away From Peer Pressure

It is tough to be the only one who says “no”, but you can do it. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better.

It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say “no,” too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It’s great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don’t want to do certain things.

You’ve probably had a parent or teacher advise you to “choose your friends wisely.” Peer pressure is a big reason why they say this. If you choose friends who don’t use drugs, cut class, smoke cigarettes, or lie to their parents, then you probably won’t do these things either, even if other kids do. Try to help a friend who’s having trouble resisting peer pressure. It can be powerful for one kid to join another by simply saying, “I’m with you - let’s go.”

Even if you’re faced with peer pressure while you’re alone, there are still things you can do. You can simply stay away from peers who pressure you to do stuff you know is wrong. You can tell them “no” and walk away. Better yet, find other friends and classmates to pal around with.

If you continue to face peer pressure and you’re finding it difficult to handle, talk to someone you trust. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve made a mistake or two. Talking to a parent, teacher, or school counsellor can help you feel much better and prepare you for the next time you face peer pressure.

Powerful, Positive Peer influence

Peer pressure is not always a bad thing. For example, positive peer pressure can be used to pressure bullies into acting better toward other kids. If enough kids get together, peers can pressure each other into doing what’s right!
How to Combat Peer Pressure

Peer pressure is one thing that all teens have in common. You can’t escape it — it is everywhere. No matter how popular you are, how well liked you may be or how together you feel, sooner or later you will have to face peer pressure.

Whether it is pressure to conform to a group norm (like wearing certain types of clothes or taking part in specific activities and clubs) or pressure to act (like having sex, trying drugs or alcohol, or alienating another teen), peer pressure is something everybody has to deal with at some time in their life. How successfully you handle peer pressure depends a great deal on how you feel about yourself and your place in the world. There are certain “risk factors” for peer pressure, personality traits that make you more prone to give in to peer pressure. The traits that put you at higher risk for falling in to the peer pressure trap include;

* Low self esteem
* Lack of confidence
* Uncertainty about ones place within a given peer group
* No personal interests exclusive of one’s peer group
* Feeling isolated from peers and/or family
* Lack of direction in life
* Depression
* Eating disorders
* Poor academic abilities or performance
* Fear of one’s peers
* Lack of strong ties to friends, feeling that friends could turn on you easily or with little reason
* Close bond with a bully

How do you prepare yourself to face peer pressure and win? The answer is simple.

* Prepare yourself ahead of time for uncomfortable situations, mentally script out the reaction you WANT to have in a given situation (the reation that goes AGAINST peer pressure) and play that script out in your head over and over again.
* Know where you stand on key issues like sex, drugs and alcohol and do not allow anybody to make you deviate from your position.
* Do not allow yourself to seek comfort in making other people feel bad or sad, flatly refuse to take part in anything designed to cause harm or distress to another person and speak up when/if such a situation arises. You do not have to be angry or confrontational, a comment like “lets not bother with this” or “why do we need to do this” is usually enough to inspire others who are uncomfortable to stand up and be counted.
* Think of yourself as a leader and act accordingly. The more you see yourself in a leadership role the more comfortable you will feel asserting your own opinions and feelings.
* Refuse to let yourself down! Often when we give in to peer pressure it hurts already fragile self esteem creating a vicious circle. If you think of giving in to peer pressure as letting yourself down it becomes easier to combat and your confidence will earn you respect.

When ugly situations arise and peer pressure kicks in to high gear it is very easy to get caught up in the moment and forget that you will have to live with the choices you make. If you are not comfortable with those choices or if you give in and do something that is contrary to your character or core value system it will cause you distress later and you will feel regret. When peer pressure rears its ugly head try to focus on that reality rather than the short term effects of standing up for what you think is right. Peers may seem unpleasant when you speak up against the group but that initial reaction will blow over and you will likely find that you were not so alone in your feelings and that others will admire you for doing what you felt was right. Peer pressure only works if you let it, if you refuse to let it intimidate you it loses its power. The secret is to assert yourself without becoming preachy or self-righteous. Stand your ground but refrain from standing on a soap box. Remember, peer pressure can only bite you if you let it.

Everyone needs to belong - to feel connected with others and be with others who share attitudes, interests, and circumstances that resemble their own.  People choose friends who accept and like them and see them in a favorable light.

Teens want to be with people their own age - their peers.  During the teen years, teens spend more time with their peers and without parental supervision.  With peers, teens can be both connected and independent, as they break away from their parents’ images of them and develop identities of their own.

While many families help teens in feeling proud and confident of their unique traits, backgrounds, and abilities, peers are often more accepting of the feelings, thoughts, and actions associated with the teen’s search for self-identity.

The influence of peers - whether positive or negative - is of critical importance in your teen’s life.  Whether you like it or not, the opinions of your child’s peers often carry more weight than yours.

Positive Peer Influence

The ability to develop healthy friendships and peer relationships depends on a teen’s self-identity, self-esteem, and self-reliance.

At its best, peer pressure can mobilize your teen’s energy, motivate for success, and encourage your teen to conform to healthy behavior.  Peers can and do act as positive role models.  Peers can and do demonstrate appropriate social behaviors.  Peers often listen to, accept, and understand the frustrations, challenges, and concerns associated with being a teenager.

Encourage Healthy and Positive Relationships

It is important to encourage friendships among teens.  We all want our children to be with persons who will have a positive influence, and stay away from persons who will encourage or  engage in harmful, destructive, immoral, or illegal activities.

Parents can support positive peer relationships by giving their teenagers their love, time, boundaries, and encouragement to think for themselves.

Specifically, parents can show support by:

* Having a positive relationship with your teen. When parent-teen interactions are characterized by warmth, kindness, consistency, respect, and love, the relationship will flourish, as will the teen’s self-esteem, mental health, spirituality, and social skills.
* Being genuinely interested in your teen’s activities. This allows parents to know their teen’s friends and to monitor behavior, which is crucial in keeping teens out of trouble. When misbehavior does occur, parents who have involved their children in setting family rules and consequences can expect less flack from their children as they calmly enforce the rules. Parents who, together with their children, set firm boundaries and high expectations may find that their children’s abilities to live up to those expectations grow.
* Encouraging independent thought and expression. In this way, teens can develop a healthy sense of self and an enhanced ability to resist peer pressure.

When Parents Don’t Approve

You may not be comfortable about your son or daughter’s choice of friends or peer group.  This may be because of their image, negative attitudes, or serious behaviors (such as alcohol use, drug use, truancy, violence, sexual behaviors).

Here are some suggestions:

* Get to know the friends of your teen. Learn their names, invite them into your home so you can talk and listen to them, and introduce yourself to their parents.
* Do not attack your child’s friends. Remember that criticizing your teen’s choice of friends is like a personal attack.
* Help your teen understand the difference between image (expressions of youth culture) and identity (who he or she is).
* Keep the lines of communication open and find out why these friends are important to your teenager.
* Check whether your concerns about their friends are real and important.
* If you believe your concerns are serious, talk to your teenager about behavior and choices — not the friends.
* Encourage your teen’s independence by supporting decision-making based on principles and not other people.
* Let your teen know of your concerns and feelings.
* Encourage reflective thinking by helping your teen think about his or her actions in advance and discussing immediate and long-term consequences of risky behavior.
* Remember that we all learn valuable lessons from mistakes.

No matter what kind of peer influence your teen faces, he or she must learn how to balance the value of going along with the crowd (connection) against the importance of making principle-based decisions (independence).

And you must ensure that your teen knows that he or she is loved and valued as an individual at home.

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